Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Although a marvel of linguistics and a true ode to black folkâ€™s creative genius when it comes to language, the terms â€œhatingâ€ or â€œhatinâ€ have turned on us. We have now become a community essentially unable to criticize each other. I mean, it doesnâ€™t matter how justified the criticism, it can be blown off ever so easily by the phrase â€œstop hatin.â€ Now, for sure, weâ€™ve all heard women who said â€œBeyonce aint all thatâ€ or guys who will proclaim â€œKobe Bryant really isnâ€™t that good.â€ OK, now THEYâ€™re hatin. Fo sho. But, generally, nowadays you really cant give a piece of honest advice about the most basic things without it being dismissed as hating. The concept has become our own worst enemy. We donâ€™t listen to advice, we donâ€™t take fashion tips, we donâ€™t seem to believe that anyone could possibly have anything worthwhile to contribute to our lives because, of course, whatever they say, if we donâ€™t like it, they must be hating.
Have we lost our ability to take criticism? Has it become easier to believe someone is hating on you as opposed to you really may be too fat for that freakum dress? Is it easier to believe someone is hating on you, as opposed to, at 35, you really may be too old to have the A Bay Bay ring tone ? Taken to its logical conclusion, our belief that everyone is hating on us all the time can lead to us never improving and continuing our bad decisions and bad behavior. Believe me, more often than not, people really arenâ€™t hating.
Your best friend is not hating on you. Its just that maybe a $700/mo. car payment at 22% APR just isnâ€™t a good idea.
Your boss isnt hating on you. Maybe being late every other day really is unprofessional.
Your sister isnâ€™t hating on you. By eight, maybe your son really should know how to read.
So lets stop with, what I call, the hating write-off. Its stifling our growth!! Believe it or not, most people are trying to help you not make a bad decision. It could be about your man, your woman, your money, your style, your hair, your breath, your housekeeping, but there is value in listening. There is value in humility and the knowledge that you really donâ€™t know it all and you really may not have it all together. Maybe you really are obnoxious and talk too loud, maybe you do need to lose a few pounds, maybe your weave is a mess, maybe you really are too old to dress like that, maybe your kids ARE bad, thatâ€™s life. But how will you ever do better if you ignore all criticism with a blanket hating write-off?
Our lives should be a constant quest to improve. Lord knows thereâ€™s always something we could be doing better. And thereâ€™s no greater gift than friends and family who are willing to help you along your journey with guidance or advice. So the next time you feel someone is hating on you, just stop and think for a momentâ€”are they REALLY hating? Or could it be that a 50 year old man maybe, just maybe, shouldnâ€™t be wearing cornrowsâ€¦.?