Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Hating: A Critique

ee fish Hating: A Critique

Although a marvel of linguistics and a true ode to black folk’s creative genius when it comes to language, the terms “hating” or “hatin” have turned on us. We have now become a community essentially unable to criticize each other. I mean, it doesn’t matter how justified the criticism, it can be blown off ever so easily by the phrase “stop hatin.” Now, for sure, we’ve all heard women who said “Beyonce aint all that” or guys who will proclaim “Kobe Bryant really isn’t that good.” OK, now THEY’re hatin. Fo sho. But, generally, nowadays you really cant give a piece of honest advice about the most basic things without it being dismissed as hating. The concept has become our own worst enemy. We don’t listen to advice, we don’t take fashion tips, we don’t seem to believe that anyone could possibly have anything worthwhile to contribute to our lives because, of course, whatever they say, if we don’t like it, they must be hating.
Have we lost our ability to take criticism? Has it become easier to believe someone is hating on you as opposed to you really may be too fat for that freakum dress? Is it easier to believe someone is hating on you, as opposed to, at 35, you really may be too old to have the A Bay Bay ring tone ? Taken to its logical conclusion, our belief that everyone is hating on us all the time can lead to us never improving and continuing our bad decisions and bad behavior. Believe me, more often than not, people really aren’t hating.
Your best friend is not hating on you. Its just that maybe a $700/mo. car payment at 22% APR just isn’t a good idea.
Your boss isnt hating on you. Maybe being late every other day really is unprofessional.
Your sister isn’t hating on you. By eight, maybe your son really should know how to read.
So lets stop with, what I call, the hating write-off. Its stifling our growth!! Believe it or not, most people are trying to help you not make a bad decision. It could be about your man, your woman, your money, your style, your hair, your breath, your housekeeping, but there is value in listening. There is value in humility and the knowledge that you really don’t know it all and you really may not have it all together. Maybe you really are obnoxious and talk too loud, maybe you do need to lose a few pounds, maybe your weave is a mess, maybe you really are too old to dress like that, maybe your kids ARE bad, that’s life. But how will you ever do better if you ignore all criticism with a blanket hating write-off?
Our lives should be a constant quest to improve. Lord knows there’s always something we could be doing better. And there’s no greater gift than friends and family who are willing to help you along your journey with guidance or advice. So the next time you feel someone is hating on you, just stop and think for a moment—are they REALLY hating? Or could it be that a 50 year old man maybe, just maybe, shouldn’t be wearing cornrows….?

28 Responses to “Hating: A Critique”

  1. Anonymous on 02 Nov 2007 at 8:04 pm #

    this could not be more true!!!! i knew a guy who didnt want to date me because i said some of the things stated in the message… but come on, ppl… when did we lose touch with reality and think a child grindin on another child is cute? or perming a little girl’s hair at 3 was ok? its really sad? i try to be honest with my friends and their response is “u’re hatin’” no i’m not… maybe u’re just dumb is what i want to say back!

  2. lkside on 04 Nov 2007 at 1:31 am #

    It’s sad but it is true. Stupid me all these years I thought having a different opinion about someone or something was ok.

  3. MissDanté on 04 Nov 2007 at 7:31 pm #

    I think you and I are related.. Lol I am so glad to hear that I am not the only black person who feels like this. We need to DEMAND MORE of each other and from each other!

    Ms. Dante

  4. Anonymous on 06 Nov 2007 at 2:20 am #

    Amen! As a teacher I am constantly being told I am “hatin” when I give out criticism to the students in regards to their work.

    What I am really interested in is the studies being done about the overpraising of children. I find that a lot of my students (high school age) cannot deal with or accept failure. They were told they were the best so if they fail it is not their fault, worse yet they often fall back on racism for a reason they didn’t succeed. Once they have reached this conclusion they abandon all hope of succeeding at the task they first failed at.

    Whatever happend to “If at first you don’t succeed try try again.”?
    j

  5. Anonymous on 07 Nov 2007 at 3:14 pm #

    I am totally feeling this! Quit reading my mind!! Haha!

  6. Anonymous on 07 Nov 2007 at 9:34 pm #

    Over the past several years it has become more evident that ignorance is fashionable. Not only among young people, but adults as well. We are in sad times where the blind lead the blind. We no longer have a village raising our children. They are raising themselves because the adults are too busy trying to be hip. Oops, I guess I was old fashioned with that one. We cannot get anywhere because we are too angry that someone is pretty, or has a car or God forbid, they get up and go to work everyday to get the things that everyone is hatin on:)

  7. James on 09 Nov 2007 at 7:53 am #

    Accusing another brother or sister of playahatin’ is like some kind of weird, reverse Black on Black racecard. Like when a White person would have legitimate question or criticism of us, they’d be accused of being racism.

  8. Anonymous on 09 Nov 2007 at 4:59 pm #

    A to the Men!
    That is my sister all day, ‘quit hatin’. So I have finally givin up. I let her go out with no bra on, sagging breasts and all. I let her go out with her muffin top hanging over her pants and let her wear sandals with the crustiest gold medal feet you have ever seen. I let her wear 3 heads worth of weave and matted nylon wigs, just so as not to be acused of being a hater. I let her listen to people that don’t care anything about her tell her she’s lookin good so they can either get what they want from her or laugh behind her back. i could go on for days but I won’t. It’s so dang gone frustrating.

  9. emertron on 09 Nov 2007 at 9:59 pm #

    I have a friend who says that he doesn’t want unsolicited advice. Same thing as claiming hatin’. Equally as annoying & stubborn.

  10. theblackactor.com on 10 Nov 2007 at 3:46 pm #

    Loved that post. You have posted exactly what I have so often thought! Couldn’t of said it better myself.

    Tell it, sis. Tell it!

    So, so true.

    http://www.theblackactor.com/

  11. James on 12 Nov 2007 at 2:02 am #

    I think the Black community needs to hold a caucus to re-define exactly what playahating is. If you drive an Escalade on 22′s and still live with your mama, believe me, no one is hatin’ on you. I think hatin’ is when a brotha or sista has 100% of his or her sh-t together and another person covets what that brother or sister has. Or when an individual tries to stop a brotha or sista’s shine. The real question brothers & sistas need to ask themselves is: Are you Hater Worthy?

  12. Anonymous on 14 Nov 2007 at 2:39 pm #

    Let the Church say “AMEN”

  13. Melinda on 15 Nov 2007 at 5:07 am #

    James…I love that…

    “Are you hater worthy?”

    I’m going to quote you on that one.

  14. foxiemillero on 17 Nov 2007 at 8:33 pm #

    I love this blog!. I e-mailed and texted everyone I know and told them to check out this site. This site has very necessary and enlightning view points. I am excited about the awareness you’re raising.

  15. ListenToLeon on 17 Nov 2007 at 9:54 pm #

    This is funny, because it’s true. Some people are just incapable of accepting the things that they don’t want to hear, especially when they hit close to home.

    The only time I ever get the urge to say “stop hating” is if a pesron tries to tell me that I’m incapable of doing something. I’m not talking about shit I’m just not cut out for, like become Heavyweaight Champion of the world…But things that I know I can excel at if I put in the necessary effort and preparation. Still, I don’t say “stop hatin,” I just remember who said it and when…lol

    I just wrote something the other day about people who say “It is what it is.” To me, people who say that may as well just go ahead and say “Fuck you. Get over it.”

  16. Anonymous on 27 Nov 2007 at 7:54 pm #

    i try and try and try again to let my people know that “converse” is the correct term….when i found this site, i had to check it out because the name grabbed me and read my inner thoughts…thanks so much for the hating blog…i feel better telling me sister and cousin that thick fake eyelashes aren’t to be worn to bed isn’t an attempt to “hate on them”
    hey listentoleon…i’ve been looking for your blog for about a year now since i haven’t seen the link on concreteloop.com but i’m glad i found it again and it’s still funny

  17. Taylor on 06 Dec 2007 at 10:58 pm #

    I agree 100%. This is funny because my husband and I had this exact same discussoin about 2 years ago. We cant stand the word “hatin”!!!!

  18. HouTX-Writer on 24 Dec 2007 at 2:40 am #

    JAMES: You said it with “Are you Hater worthy?” 98% of the people who claim to be being hated on all the time aren’t even 2% hater worthy!

    Tell a young man, “You look a mess with the braids, the gold and diamond dust grille and the too-big-for-a-200lb.-man pants all down to their knees,” and he’ll tell you that you should, “Stop Hatin’!” Or worse, “You’re just mad because you’re too old to look this dope.” That’s usually when you want to stab them to death for being SO FRICKIN’ IGNORANT!

    Jam, I think that you and I (along with other like-minded people) should hold a rally to bury the words HATER and HATING! It’s just as damaging as Black people uttering the N bomb at each other all day. Good advice is not hating…and 9.8 times out of 10, it’s right on point and the subject of said advice should take heed.

  19. jamdonaldson on 26 Dec 2007 at 2:01 pm #

    LOL!!!! at bury the Hate-word!!! We’ll have a big coffin with the word hating on it…

  20. jamdonaldson on 10 Feb 2008 at 6:55 pm #

    I definitely agree that the behavior i described crosses all color lines. Hotghettomess.com also has an alternate URL called wegot2dobetter.com for those for whom typing in the words hot ghetto mess offends their sensibilities. So spread the word….

  21. quianal on 22 May 2008 at 6:56 pm #

    It’s not what they’re critisizing/critiquing. It’s how they’re doing it.

    Yes, I would love for someone to tell me if something is truly unflattering on me, but please don’t come at me like,

    “Girl, you too fuckin fat for that outfit!”

    That’s mean-spirited and HATIN.

    Something like,
    “Well it’s emphasizing all the wrong parts (and show the person what you mean), is much better.

    Another thing is when people talk badly about other people, but neglect to include themselves in what it is they’re critizing/hatin on. I call it “The High-Horse Stance”.

    I think most people are open to honest and caring feedback, even if it’s negative, just not said in a nasty way.

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