Thursday, November 10, 2011

Why Good Girls Like Bad Music: The “Put It In Your Mouth” Phenomenon (PIIYMP)

sexy teacher1 Why Good Girls Like Bad Music: The Put It In Your Mouth Phenomenon (PIIYMP)

(And no I’m not necessarily good, it’s just an assumption I ask the reader to make for this essay to work.)

I was listening to a song, which shall reman nameless lest i contaminate those who are for more decent than myself, and I found myself singing the most obscene lyrics along with the performer.  And not only was i singing them while driving in my car (with the windows up), i was singing them with gusto and fervor.  There were lyrics that involved ball-licking, beating up a “pus”, various drug using and dealing, and bites on a wall.

Now I’m a grown ass woman and here I am grooving to what, by any measure, would be lyrics i would never allow my imaginary children to listen to, and frankly, would be absolutely annoyed if i heard them blasting from a car next to me.  I would point to songs like this and their ilk as the beginning of the end for hip-hop and the civilized world in general. And I’d point with purpose and passion with a really straight pointy finger, that would occasionally wag.

But how can i judge others, artists and listeners alike, for promulgating and supporting the worst depictions of urban life, if I, the judger, cant even resist the pulsing bass and clever lyricism, albeit insulting and counter to everything i believe?  Am I a hoochie, but just don’t know it? As a woman, how can I possibly like these songs? Am I just some dickless man ?  And I not only like them, but I “that’s my shit” like them.

And this isn’t an isolated incident.There are plenty of instances like this in my life, beginning with the golden age of hip-hop.  “Put It In Your Mouth” was a party favorite.  I went to the West Coast and “Bitch Betta Have My Money” always got me out on the floor, and I won’t even go into the “Skeet Skeet” song.  From the windows to the wall, indeed.

However, if someone were to print out the lyrics of these songs, I would probably go to jail or catch an STD just by reading them.  The depiction of women and urban life is just so distorted and tragic, particularly for a community that has come so far.  They are sad and maddening.  But if this is true, why is it so darn easy for me to sing along?

I’m a well-adjusted woman from a good home.  My student loan bills tell me i have a bunch of degrees.  I wasn’t molested by some creepy family friend.  So what gives?  Why am I not horrifed and appalled at such demeaning songs.  Songs that demean me and my mama and every woman i know. Why don’t my grown woman sensibilities kick in and I turn the song off when I hear such lyrics?

It’s interesting, growing up listening to hip hop, you generally had to be a pretty bad girl to be insulted in a song i.e Brand Nubians’ “Slow Down” or Oran Juice Jones’ “Walkin in the Rain” (ok, i know he’s not hip-hop but i couldn’t resist) .  Most women-hating songs were reserved for crack whores or gold diggers or indiscriminate dangerous freaks.  But nowadays “bitch” is the default and women must prove themselves otherwise.

In the realm of hip-hop, shouldn’t I be most enthralled with softer little diddies like “I Need Love” or “Bonita Applebaum” or “Make the Song Cry” or “I Got You” or “Make Me Better”?  Songs that reflect the ideas of romance and the positive man-woman relationships of yesteryear (ok 15 years ago).  But as much as I love these songs, just like those poison poppies that temporarily fell the strongest of lions, if im not careful, the ignorant shit just drags me in.

But I have realized, I am of two minds.  Sometimes I hear this profanity-laden music blasting out of cars at gas stations assaulting all within earshot. Niggas, bitches, dick, this.  Niggas, bitches, dick, that.  It drives me crazy.  I roll my eyes at the driver and shake my head at the lost art of hip-hop and romance and fun.  At the same time, working out at a gym across town, my earbuds are hypocritically blasting some pretty ill shit.

Is it really as easy as, it has a good beat and you can dance to it? Or is there something else in these gutter lyrics that appeals to a “normal” woman like me?  I’ve tried to figure this out.

I’ve rationalized: well, its just that they put together those degrading gutter lyrics in a clever way.  I’ve minimized: well, its just that the beat is so hot and they play it so much, you can’t help but like it.  I’ve intellectualized: it’s a just another form of the willing suspension of disbelief convention where you can be fully entertained by something while knowing it has no basis in reality, a la Harry Potter or the X-Men or a Herman Cain candidacy.  At times, I’ve even given up and surrendered: I guess I’m just a nihilistic undercover hood rat ho at heart.

Is what appeals to me in some of these songs, which are admittedly in the minority on my playlists, the same things that appeal to this millennial generation upon which I look with disdain because they’ll never know when hip hop was great?  Maybe the difference is that, those songs aren’t all i know and thus don’t shape my world view.  Is the difference that I would never blast these songs from my car in public and therefore, they’re my own little guilty pleasure?  Like eating cereal out of the box with my hands or leaving underwear on the bathroom floor for three days.  I know it’s wrong but…

I know, I know.  It’s not a lifestyle, it’s just lyrics. Fantasies of the rapper for the listener.  But is this fantasy life rappers speak of appealing in some sort of madonna-whore way?  I mean, you live right 99% of the time, so maybe sometimes, just sometimes, during that other 1%, you just want to hear someone tell you to bend over and lets fuck, for a change?  For some of us YOU, doesn’t that make it tingle just a little?

Maybe that’s it, it’s like the music version of porn. Harmless fantasy? You can listen occasionally, but its only problematic when it gets you fired from work.

I honestly don’t know.  I wish some prominent sociologist would do a study of this phenomenon.  Because I know by the number of ladies on the dance floor when “From the Windows to the Wall” comes on, I’m not alone in this.  And I need answers.

So per usual, I have no solutions, but I thought I’d share my struggles with PIIYMP in hopes that someone smarter than myself could shed some light on this issue and assuage my guilt. But maybe there is no answer, maybe it’s the proverbial riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.  Or maybe it’s that all women have a nasty freak in them just waiting for an opening.

Or maybe, just maybe, as Big Boi says, “bitch that’s just the way it goes….” (I love that song!)

Please somebody stop me, before I bob my head again.

184 Responses to “Why Good Girls Like Bad Music: The “Put It In Your Mouth” Phenomenon (PIIYMP)”

  1. mamadocNo Gravatar on 11 Nov 2011 at 10:57 am #

    Please share if you do come across some answers because I sat here with my earphones in at work earlier this week on the 3rd listen of a new track from one of my “guilty pleasures” before I noticed the words I was bobbing my head to. I felt dirty and told myself to turn it off that second, but I ended up playing it a couple of times more before I gave it up.

  2. JoAnneNo Gravatar on 11 Nov 2011 at 10:58 am #

    This really worries me. Maybe I was delusional but I thought black women were horrified by those songs and the way women were portrayed in them. Now you tell me you not only like them but realize that you shouldn’t. I just don’t understand. Those songs make me cringe and I don’t care if the beat is good, I can’t get past the lyrics. And why would you patronize any performer who spews such trash? Where is your self-respect? You can’t keep teenage boys from turning those individuals into millionaires by buying their music but, at the very least, women should not encourage them. I don’t know. I’m shaking my head here. I don’t have the answer either but I’m sure as heck not contributing to this disease.

  3. DeboraNo Gravatar on 11 Nov 2011 at 12:56 pm #

    As usual, a great article – and thought-provoking… I’ll either be shaking my head today at the query, or shaking my head to some beat I probably shouldn’t be listening to.

    Conundrums.

    Sigh….

  4. DNo Gravatar on 11 Nov 2011 at 3:35 pm #

    LMAO great post! I have not the answer but I go through the same things

  5. QueshaNo Gravatar on 11 Nov 2011 at 9:09 pm #

    Usually I am a neo-soul kinda girl, but when I am working out I listen to my Tupac Pandora station. I too find myself bobbing my head to some inappropriate song that would get my (future) kids grounded.

    My rationalization is: at least I was raised with some discernment. I think to myself, summa these kids really think this is life. They are all the same and all only listen to this junk food type “music.” At least I can mix in some old school, some 90′s swing, neo-soul, and this crappy stuff. (shrugs shoulders) Like I said, I am rationalizing.

  6. Double JNo Gravatar on 12 Nov 2011 at 1:02 pm #

    I fall victim too. Sometimes, when the lyrics are so over the top, I just say that it’s too vulgar and cut it off. Honestly, I think that the record execs push the extreme lyrics for rap/ hip-hop/r&b. No other genre of music has such lyrics. And, I will listen to country music sometimes. Country music seems to never talk about bumping and grinding etc. The record labels think that thats’s all we want to hear. It has infiltrated our music to such a degree that we can’t escape it. And, even I can’t escape it. Admittely, Trick Daddy sucked me in a couple of times this past week!

  7. Ulysses B. Incognito on 13 Nov 2011 at 3:06 am #

    Right off the bat, Jam….. take it easy on yourself. If only brilliance could allow you to be more than human. But alas, it turns out that you are stuck here with the rest of us. Welcome to the circus. I too have considered the problem of which you speak and found myself flirting with sociology. Most groups actively participate in forming their group’s stereotypes. Addition through subtraction : Guilt! Guilt is removed by listening to these lyrics over the airwaves. Watching on free tv. The number of people who seek out this type of contents drops dramatically when called upon to pay for it. Maybe even enough to stop considering it a stereotype. Guilt + Money = Shame. And if it’s true that all social groups enjoy porn, then look closer and see if you can separate Hip-Hop from porn. I can…easily. I suggest you keep your concept of Hip-Hop the same, and change your concept of pornography. Rhyming words over music no more makes you a Hip-Hop artist, than standing in a garage makes you a car.

    Peace to us……collectively.
    UBI

  8. Texbella13No Gravatar on 13 Nov 2011 at 3:21 am #

    I don’t have an answer. You just happened to describe some of my feelings and beliefs, and I love it! Last year I was Googling the word “conversate” (I hate the word, but it sure is catchy!), and happened to read your New Year’s post ( I think), and immediately subscribed. My only criticisms: you hit home with me, you are funny as hell and THE BOMB! Most of all, I enjoy the way you convey your feelings through written words, and you make me smile/laugh and feel closer to woman/man-kind. Wish you blogged/posted more, but if few and far between means great reading, than I can deal with it. Love ya! : )

  9. ‘Why Good Girls Like Bad Music’ | Five Feet of Fury on 14 Nov 2011 at 8:46 am #

    [...] ConversateIsNotAWord ponders the paradox: Maybe that’s it, it’s like the music version of porn. Harmless fantasy? You can listen occasionally, but its only problematic when it gets you fired from work. [...]

  10. MWNo Gravatar on 14 Nov 2011 at 10:09 am #

    Classy woman embraces a culture that would debase her. Harmless? Or internalized oppression?

  11. Christopher TaylorNo Gravatar on 14 Nov 2011 at 6:03 pm #

    Maybe it has something to do with not having a basic foundation to reject this sort of thing. That is, you don’t have a worldview that is repulsed by it, only external pressure and presumptions without a strong basis as to WHY that’s wrong. So you may know it is bad, but not enough of why it is to internalize that fact and the beat and being “in” pressures you to enjoy it anyway.

    Christopher Taylor’s last blog post..BETRAYING TAIWAN

  12. THERREN DUNHAMNo Gravatar on 28 Nov 2011 at 8:00 pm #

    First off: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!!!

    OK, seriously, in keeping with my ‘both/and’ construct, lots of people indulge in things that on the surface appear to be so harmful, but in reality aren’t that bad. I came of age when gangsta rap was at its infancy, and in the years since I am no more likely to knock over a liquor store or hustle dope than when I was twelve.

    I always find it mildly amusing to see people fall all over themselves when they see someone eat a fattening dessert, laugh at a tasteless joke, or have one glass of cheap wine. Are we not to consider honest commentary framed within the context of our own biases? Should we only eat the primitive European diet of curds and whey? Are you telling me that you only drink from some farmer’s well?

    We don’t even lament our psyche this much when we see black folks who actually like Amos and Andy films.

    Thomas Sowell (I’m paraphrasing here) said–correctly–that all things we consume are in some ways poison; the only determination of lasting harm is the dosage. Enjoying one obscure Akinyele song the one time it plays a year on most radio stations does not a closet ho make. And anyone who ascribes a set of values and projections of self-worth to another based on what’s on his Ipod playlist is especially lazy. You can enjoy something for entertainment value without internalizing the baser elements of its content.

    (And when parents appreciate the contrast between CONTENT and CONTEXT in all things, not only will they better teach their kids, they can better understand them.)

    People naturally despise things they don’t care to understand, but that’s not my problem and shouldn’t be yours. I feel no shame, sense no contradiction, and appeal to no one for my choices, my personal (harmless) vices, and my tastes. Those who turn their noses at them can ride a fat one, because it’s the collection of vices and virtues that makes me who I am. Human. Individual. Therren. And if you take away any of them, I wouldn’t be the same person.

  13. CC on 01 Dec 2011 at 6:33 pm #

    I think it’s better to turn it off
    I love cheesecake and all sorts of things that
    are not good for me
    but I choose not to eat them
    If there’s a song that degrades any sister
    I choose not to listen or buy no matter how hypnotic the beat

  14. Holliday Vann, Cultural Commentary With a Bite!No Gravatar on 01 Dec 2011 at 7:15 pm #

    Hey Jam (& everybody):
    I hate to get all Christiany on y’all but this phenomenon is really just the constant war that goes on between the spirit and the flesh. Our flesh lusts for things that it knows we shouldn’t partake of. Our spirit reminds us why we shouldn’t. This is so embarrassing. My former boyfriend had left a CD in my car. I have no idea who the artist was or what the heck they were rapping about. But to appear more hip(hop?) than I could ever be naturally, I was blasting this “cuss-riddled noise” at the E-check in Ohio. A handsome brother came out to check the car. I thought he would think I’m so down (whatever that means). But he looked at my attractive, well-dressed (but fatally square self) and said, “Girl, what the hell are you listening to?” Needless to say, I gave up gangsta, put a No Doubt CD in the player, and went on about my geeky way. And the war rages on! Loved the post, by the way. Come visit some time.

    Holliday Vann, Cultural Commentary With a Bite!’s last blog post..My Queen-dom for a Glass of Water

  15. Sikkmaine on 11 Dec 2011 at 6:47 pm #

    Maybe its because black americans are programmed to think its good music. I think blacks feel that they have to listen to this music in order to be considered black or get a ghetto pass. Heven help them if someone pulled up beside them and heard them blasting Nickelback or Clay Aiken. I know a lot of hood niggas from my hood who listen to this shit in the privacy of their own MP3 players but you would never be able to tell it. I think its pretty fucked up actually and it pisses me off when some nigga wants to test me because he heard me listening to Cobra Starship or some black chick refuses to ride with me because I am blasting Maroon 5 instead of Nicki Minaj? You can’t be afraid to stand up for what you believe in.

  16. amyNo Gravatar on 20 Dec 2011 at 6:12 pm #

    Haha. Too funny, Jam. I have often wondered the same thing about unwholesome lyrics! Good to know that even if I’m wrong, I’m not alone. :)

  17. T JonesNo Gravatar on 10 Jan 2012 at 12:52 pm #

    Its self-hatred. No one wants to admit that about themselves, but its true. Trust me, no white person would sing along with lyrics of Neo Nazi hate speech unless on at least some level, they felt that way themselves. Same with this. Sorry.

  18. Carl RogersNo Gravatar on 18 Jan 2012 at 1:08 pm #

    I know that I have had my share of times where I was singing along to songs where the lyrics weren’t maybe appropriate, but it wasn’t until I had kids that I noticed that I had a problem. All of a sudden I really noticed that maybe what I am listening to isn’t that great at all… nothing like your child spouting out a string of profanities or talking about domestic abuse to give you a wakeup call…

    Carl Rogers’s last blog post..Why Do I Sweat So Much?

  19. ajax64No Gravatar on 29 Jan 2012 at 2:28 pm #

    All up and coming generations are misunderstood by the generations that precede them. Their music is a big part of this misunderstanding. The only difference is it used to be classified under the heading of entertainment. My mother could play the Temptations and all the other music of that generation feeling this was music and what I listened to was not. There was no bridging what is commonly referred to as the generation gap. I can also ride in the car while Grand Master flash plays while my son rides along with me. I do not, and would not, listen to 50 cents with my 5 year old daughter in the car. I am a P I M P and a bitch cant get a dollar out of me are not constructive messages for our youth. Any consenting adult is entitled to be entertained in a manner of his or her choosing. When the bridge between entertainment and education for our youth is non existent, and our children memorize these scripts as well as act them out; there is, to say the least: CAUSE FOR CONCERN.

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    Just what I wanted to say…..You said it just as I wanted to. Thanks!

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    Today society has been known to indulge in vulgar entertainment. Music is just one place the vulgarity occurs. Since its start in 1979 with the Sugarhill Gang hip-hop music has also become a place where the degradation of women is prevalent. Lyrics that suggest date rape and even murder at times are directed to the fairer sex by some dominant males in hip hop. Eazy-E of N.W.A in the hit single “Straight Outta Compton” says, “What about the bitch that got shot fuck her/ I give a damn about a bitch I aint a sucker”. This song is one example of the blunt disregard hip hop has showed women. The idea artists typically advocate is that hip hop is merely entertainment just like movies that contain explicit and/or gore content. But, the difference is hip-hop isn’t only embedded in American culture it is a form of culture loved dearly by the minority population. When hip-hop became a vastly lucrative concept artists began to dilute and even dispose of their once positive messages. One of the more “playful” aspects of hip-hop is the sexually descriptive style of Rap that both men and women are attracted too. In fact this aspect is so popular that some artists dedicate their entire careers to this style of music. Some of the artists are; T-Pain, Ying Yang Twins, and Pitbull. The songs of these artists tend to be the ones with songs that provoke women to dance in erotic ways. The obscure sexual language used in songs such as; Mystikal’s “Danger” or T-Pain’s “Im in love with a stripper” tend to drive parents of teenagers mad as well.
    One issue that the elders of black America have withy hip-hop is its vulgarity and urge to “Fight the Power” and “disturb the peace”, as told by James Baldwin. Tupac’s “Fuck the World” attitude is one of the reoccurring attitudes in Rap exiled in the mass media. Another artist is Jimi Hendrix, his image of a drug addicted hippie proves to be a fallacy after reading several biographies of his life, which leads to the idea of the black image in America. What makes black so bad and white so good? It’s something almost psychologically programmed in our minds. One example parallel with this idea is, wearing white at weddings and black at funerals.
    Adversaries of slang and racial bigots have established a sort of mockery for ebonic users and minorities alike for their flamboyant use of culture. Images of the infamous “Zip Coon” and other racists concepts geared toward blacks have been documented in various forms of media such as; post cards, posters, newspapers and videos. One film directed by D.W. Griffith titled: The Birth of a Nation depicts blacks as appreciative and happy in a subordinate position to whites. Therefore some black users of Proper English that don’t understand the method of “code-switching” or modern slang may be perceived as out of date, a sell-out or “uncle Tom”, which is one reason why such a mass amounts of blacks speak in slang and indulge in vulgar Rap music and its practices. Rap is the connection young ebonics users relate to because of its congruent theme of “disturbing the peace” and fighting the power. Actually, vulgarity and obscenities in entertainment has been prevalent for centuries. During the romantic period in England works such as; The Mysteries of Udolpho, “The Rime and the Ancient Mariner” and The Monk all depict scenes of obscenity. The difference between the times is that we call it Rap and they called it “Gothic”.
    Also women have been oppressed sexually in America. Even today men and women have an understanding of the “double standard” idea which gives men the opportunity to enjoy more sexual freedom without scrutiny. So when given an opportunity one may indulge in a song or two they comes off as sexually vulgar and disrespectful to women she, too, may be employing her sexual freedoms presented by the liberal society at hand. In my opinion, the extent to which one enjoys vulgar forms of entertainment should be monitored.

  66. enigma954No Gravatar on 26 Mar 2013 at 10:26 pm #

    There is nothing wrong with you or any woman who listens to this genre of music. The only difference in this music than a “milder” type of music is that they say in plain, non-politically correct ways, what other genres of music say in hidden, cleaned up versions of the same things. The problem is that the reason people turn their nose up to that form of terminology, is because the words are describing either what they like doing, what they want to do and probably wish that they were doing at the time, or describing what they are not getting; and because we have been taught to be private people and hide most of the real us from the outside world, admitting that we like what you hear, or even listening to it would expose who we really are, what we really do or what we really need.
    Just like back in the day, when the mention of sex was almost taboo in most households, then came the discussion of sex education, then came the idea of talking to you children about it and now has become an open topic. Remember when there was not even a hint of nudity or sex on TV, then there were “parental discretion” warnings when slight nudity, sexually suggestive scenes or mild profanity and now there is random nudity and and how now, every word with the exception of only a few are accepted. We have been taught that if we don’t see it or hear it, it doesn’t exist, but little by little we find we start to see and hear for ourselves; we are coming out of our grandness and into the real and it’s not just describing the activities that are occurring in the urban communities, though those activities are seemingly more visible it happens just as frequently in other communities.
    Other countries embrace nudity and sex more freely than we do in the United States and sensor that type of material a lot less than we do, it’s even in commercials, game shows and regular programming; Hip Hop helps us in our transition to catch up with other parts of the world.
    Hip-Hop started with colorful, descriptive lyrics such as the these and will continue to strive because of those lyrics because aside from being vulgar, direct and sexually oriented, it has given many people from many cultures a way to feel accepted and a way of expressing themselves. If you haven’t noticed, Hip Hop is not just “black peoples music anymore,” it has crossed more racial and cultural boundaries to a degree than no other genre of music ever has. It is here to stay and I can’t wait to see what’s next.
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