Friday, April 11, 2008

It Takes A Village My Ass

EE  You Gotta Love It It Takes A Village My Ass

Can I just talk to y’all one villager to another? I know the saying, “it takes village to raise a child” sounds all good and profound in that wise-old-African-man kind of way, but I’m a little confused about its practical application these days. I think there seems to be a bit of confusion as to who are the village children and who are the village elders. For example, I was walking my dog Albert in the neighborhood when I came upon some kids walking down the streets towards me. They were singing “Kevin and Nikki sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G.” Now while that is pretty appalling, as these were 9 and 10 year olds, it isn’t as appalling as the fact that they were willing to say this right in front of an adult.
See, that’s the difference I see between kids today and when I was growing up. Im certainly not going to sit here all holier than thou like I was never a bad ass kid in my life. I played all the freaky games, tripped up other kids, and developed a shocking affinity for profanity around age 8. However, I would NEVER have considered using profanity around adults or doing any of my mischief in their presence. What happened to adult authority? What happened to kids being afraid of adults? The fact that these kids could care less about what they were saying and who heard them was really scary. And I’m sure we all have our similar stories. We’ve all been on the bus or subway with young people who have no qualms about loudly using cusswords or n-words or openly discussing their sexual exploits, both real and imagined. And whether it’s the elderly, women, children—they could care less who hears them.
However, that leads me to the “It Takes A Village” paradox. Don’t think this is just about the kids. A part of the problem, and likely the main part, is that us adults, the village elders, see all this going on and don’t do a damn thing. Just like those kids I heard singing today, I didn’t stop and chastise them and tell them that they should be ashamed of themselves, that they are bringing shame to their family, or that I was going to tell their daddy on them. I just kept walking shaking my head and being disgusted. But ultimately, like the passengers on buses and subways every day, I did nothing.
If it takes a village to raise a child and the village is afraid or indifferent, then aren’t we fooling ourselves? But on the other hand, I cant be too hard on myself and the other village elders because the first time you attempt to correct a village child, their village mama is likely gonna beat your village ass.
I have a friend who was a teacher for a while who would speak of children whose parents never came to parent-teacher conferences, but let little Jamal get into trouble, then they’re the first ones up there ready to defend their child and say why everybody is wrong except little Jamal, when little Jamal probably just needs his ass beat. I remember in elementary school there was this one student’s mom who would come up to the school and beat his ass in front of the other students with her slipper. You can bet he didn’t get in trouble too often.
After seeing that shocking video of the student beating up her teacher in Baltimore as the other students watched and recorded it their cell phones, I am more certain than ever that we are in deep trouble. I wish I knew the answer. Is it because we’ve abandoned corporal punishment? Are we too busy being our children’s friends and not their parents? With so many single parent homes, are parents just too busy to raise these kids right? Is it the lack of fathers in children’s lives? (cause I know I was scared shitless of mine) Or maybe its our eternal catch-all scapegoats, hip-hop and BET? I just don’t get it. What happened to so drastically change the child-adult dynamic in just one generation?
There have been instances in my city where parents have come to the school and gotten into fist fights WITH STUDENTS. The lunatics are running the asylum.
I just saw a Dr. Phil episode about out-of-control kids and he was talking about this technique of negotiating with children to get them to do what you want. I was like, “negotiating”????!!!!! What happened to, “because I said so”?
I admire you parents that are doing your job because it cannot be easy. These kids have influences and access that we didn’t dream of 20 years ago. Keep up the good work. But by the looks of most kids these days, a lot of parents have dropped the proverbial ball. To you I say: Raise your damn kids!
So village, what is we gon do? Its like Lord of the Flies out here. The kids are running the show and we are scared to death of them. And I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what the answer is (which is nothing new). But what I do know is, for better or worse, I’m steering clear of these little fuckers before I end up getting my ass kicked on Youtube.
Peace Villagers.

47 Responses to “It Takes A Village My Ass”

  1. Anonymous on 11 Apr 2008 at 7:55 pm #

    I completely agree with everything. Parents these are days are mostly babies having babies. We (not me, I have no damn kids)are wanting to be our children friends instead of their parents.

    My friend’s mother was like, “I dont mind my kids having sex, smoking weed or drinking as long as it is done in my house where I can watch them”. I was like, WTF!!!!!

    We spend too much time chasing married men, hanging out with our single friends, trying out for Flavor of Love and other stuff, knowing damn well that we have children at home. And then wonder why they end up dead, HIV/AIDS positive, babies at an early age.

    All races, ethnicities, genders and SES do this, so its not like its an African American thing.

    I really wish we could all do better and not get mad when someone corrects our bad ass children.
    Sorry for any grammatical errors and the rambling. I am at work, trying to get my thoughts out before I leave.

  2. (fŭng'kē) [blak] [chik] on 11 Apr 2008 at 8:21 pm #

    You’ve read my mind. They said the ‘children are our future’, but if todays children are indicative of who will run the world one day…damn…let me find the corner of the earth now, so I can jump off of it.

    It may take a village, but it starts out in the house. Parents cannot expect teachers to fill in for them. Parents are supposed to be the ones to build the foundation. BUT, if the parent’s foundation is already weak, don’t expect any miracles to happen with their own children. It’s sort of like a generational curse. Stupidity begets stupidity, (look at George Bush & his father…)

    There’s not going to be any quick fix to the problems with teens/kids today. You can preach that people need role models, etc..etc.., but nowadays kids think they know everything and don’t need anyone to tell them what to do.

  3. Yaya on 12 Apr 2008 at 1:47 am #

    Look at the situation in Philly with them little bad ass kids beating up a nice hard working man in the subway causing him to have an asthma attack and subsequently dieing. When I was teeenager the only place I was after school was HOME, either washing dishes or doing some damn homework. These kids got a better social life than most adults. Ass whoopins have gone out of style and it pains me to see the results.

  4. jamdonaldson on 12 Apr 2008 at 3:10 am #

    Also, when you look at the picture, check out the little boy sitting down in the first row all the way to the right in the blue shirt. We got to do better.

  5. Quesha on 12 Apr 2008 at 3:01 pm #

    My family believed in ass woopins when I was a kid. Best believe, any adult in my vicinity that caught me acting up was gonna snatch my ass up and beat me. My uncle used to say, “I believe in child abuse.” My mother used to tell me if I ran away , I better leave everything she bought. These were consequences that went along with getting in trouble.
    These kids today don’t have these consequences. They call the police or children services. Some kind of way, they have their parents spooked. I couldn’t imagine calling the police on my mom. She probably would have let them take me with them. Actually she would have given me away if I had the nerve to tell on her.
    I think this kids need a little more fear in their lives. If you beat them a lil bit, I bet that same behavior won’t continue. The only thing is, you gotta start these beatings at an early age, not 13.
    Now I do not mean real child abuse or starvation or anything, but the kids need to feel it.
    It definitely has to start at home. The parents have got to get a backbone, cause the kids sure do. And they are gonna continue to end up in jail like those white girls in Florida. I guess it is gonna take some major news like that to wake up parents and kids. The consequences here shortly are gonna be a lil more harsh than a beating.

  6. Anonymous on 13 Apr 2008 at 2:42 am #

    I beat my kids every chance I get!! LOL…no…really…I got my ass tore up as a kid!! With what ever happened to be around when i was stupid enough to try to buck and not have running room!! I have 3 sons…the oldest is 20 and deployed. He got his ass beat til he left if he messed up!! Not whoopings so much as getting the hell knocked out of him when he thought he was in a boarding home instead of MY home!! My husband (white) thinks I’ve lost my mind sometimes cuz they have tried to play that white kids stuff on us. I let them know fast..they got a White Daddy but a VERY Black Mama!! I don’t go for mess…from mine or anybody else’s. I have friends who let their kids talk to them any kinda way. Not around me…I tell them to fix it and fix it fast…or take your child home. That ain’t gonna happen around me. More people need to realize…especially Black folk that it’s a tough world out there for us. Love your kids yes…but let them know what the deal is so when bullshit comes their way they can say…Ah shit…is that all you got?? you can’t break me..I had a Black Mama!!

  7. LoneWolfXXT on 13 Apr 2008 at 3:24 pm #

    Little man would have got that finger broke along with his Ass.Then being the parent I would have to pay to have the picture retaken.Why didn’t the camera man say anything? Oh I get it he probably thought it was cute.There is nothing cute about being Ugly.But On to my point Some of the parents nowadays have no backbone.To handle up on there kids they either let TV or Chemicals raise there kids.When I was coming up our neighborhood was tight and everybody knew everybody.When you got into trouble, you can be certain that an ass beating was waiting on you at home.My Grand Mother/Mom didn’t play that.And put the word out to our neighbors that if anybody saw me acting up Call her or get after me.Fear can be a good thing sometimes, it might even save you from an ass whipping.And Shame if its taught right.Back in the day you didn’t want to do ANYTHING to bring shame to your family.Shame was worse than 1001 ass whippings.Sometimes you have to reach down and shake up a kids ego.Let little billy bad ass know that.The Police and the Gang Bangers and the Crack Heads are least of his fears. Dad and Mom or Grand Ma and a neighborhood united and equipped with weapons of ass destruction thats fear on a mass level.An ass whopping is just a phone call away or worse.So anybody who sees a kid acting up reach out and spank that ass.America and the rest of the world will thank you.

  8. Anonymous on 13 Apr 2008 at 9:31 pm #

    again, always a pleasure to read your straight-up postings that address our issues. keep them coming.

    it stems partly from kids having kids. and somehow we got to this point where parents want to be their kids’ best friend instead of risk having their child angry at them for using discipline or authority. wasn’t happening in my house growing up. we feared my mom seriously! she wasn’t having it.

    it does take a village. but like you said, the village is even hesitant these days.

    i think it starts in the home. if parents would play their role responsibly then all else would fall in place – then we could all get on the same page. and they don’t have to do it all alone – parents are the foundation but the church, the school, the village could help them. but that foundation has to be right.

    i continue to blame the parents, first. they need to take parenthood seriously and not be aloof to their kids behavior. to the parents that are parenting right then i salute you -you have your work cut out for you.

  9. Anonymous on 14 Apr 2008 at 6:53 pm #

    “But ultimately, like the passengers on buses and subways every day, I did nothing.”

    Doing something doesn’t always get you good results though. True story. I’m on the Blue Line here in DC and three girls and one VERY effeminate boy get on. They had to be between 12 and 14. I’m reading my Entrepreneur magazine and all four sit next to me, across from me and to side of me and start talking LOUD as hell. You know, they all get the Whaling Banshee tone when they’re in groups. So I was politely said, “Young sis, can you keep it down please. I’m trying to read and you’re screaming in my ear.” Instead of apologizing or doing something that would indicate a feeling of shame for being so dam ghetto, my girl looked at me rolled her eyes and kept talking. Of course she wasn’t as loud as before because I have a mean mug and look like I will open a serious can of whoop-ass on any momofuku I see. But then the little girl-boy was like, “ya’ll need to chill cause she’s probably undercover. You know they be trolling the trains?” WTF? Why I gotta be vice? Why can’t I just be a regualr old tired broad who wants the chance to read in peace? And why the fux are you justifying why ya’ll need to shut the fux up? SMH!!

    My conclusion: too many of these little fukkers roll in packs and that’s where they get their strength. Also, it’s hard to know how to approach them. Do you get on their level and cuss them out (which makes you look irresponsible) or do you speak to them in a mature, non-threatening way (which they interperet as you being a punk)? I think that’s what deters most grown folks from speaking up these days. It’s a no-win for real.

    If this is the children of our future, LAWD HAMMERCY!! God help them, and Help me too!

    Can I just tell you that one day I did do “something” and those little momofukus looked at me like they were about to jump me.

  10. Anonymous on 14 Apr 2008 at 7:11 pm #

    Humph…funny you should write this post, as I sit here on maternity leave with an almost 3 year-old and 10 week-old. These days, Parenting is truly about self-doubt, loathing and second-guessing. I spend my days trying to run interference with my pre-schooler which involves an endless slew of craft ideas and a plethora of one ideas to get her to do what you’ve asked. I spend my nights wondering why my mother insists that she never had to do any of that, and that “these kids are just different from the way y’all were.” Trust me, I am one of the ones trying to do this thing the right way. I will not fight a teacher (I am one), I have a full-time husband who is devoted to all of us, and we are of a decent age to be raising a family (early 30s).
    Where is this going? Well, everytime I turn on the TV, or open a book, there is overwhelming evidence linking parenting styles with children’s emerging intellegence and personalities. I cant think of anyone who admits to spanking their kids anymore. Instead of raising your voice, Parents Magazine suggests using puppetry when asking your child to complete a task (prof. language for “pick this shit up”). They also encourage parents to be theatrical, change the setting, or be whimsical when trying to ward off a tantraum. I’ve set up several “naughty” areas in my house after reading supernanny’s book and keeping her fat-ass high in the ratings by watching her show every Wednesday. Well, damn-it, trying to parent this way has left me exhausted and defeated. Sometimes this shit works, othertimes, my husband watches me with a shit-eating grin on his face, while I make a complete fool out of myself. And after all this progressive parenting, I still have to beat ass every now and again. And my kid aint even bad!

    To Jam, there is no village. It burned down a long time ago. Now, all that is left is a heaping load of bullshit conventional “wisdom” spewed By Dr. Phil and other experts. Some of this “wisdon” will work for some families, but not for all. And for those hot mess parents who make it a ritual to ignore wisdom and steer-cleer of good parenting advice–their kids dont stand a chance.
    As (good)parents, we are truly in a lonely place. We must try to balance what we know about behavior, what our parents and grandparents are whispering in our ear, and what today’s experts are saying. And sometimes we miss the mark. It is just frightening to think that you only have one chance to get it right. What a gamble!

    Get your tubes tied!

  11. Anonymous on 14 Apr 2008 at 7:22 pm #

    just *dead* @ the little boy with his middle finger up.

    Double *dead* at the idea of a mother trying out for Flavor of Love.

    I can’t anymore!

  12. Jibreel Riley on 15 Apr 2008 at 1:50 am #

    Damm shame, that all. Then people wonder why they cant get good teacher at schools like that. More Liberal Failure however those kids are well on there way to spending time in a State Pen (were they belong).

  13. Melinda on 15 Apr 2008 at 8:08 pm #

    Love the comments…they are a testimony to the fact that parenting is the hardest job in the world.

    My neighbor is a thirty-five year old single mom with a three year old son and that little mug is a straight up brat. She’s alone in raising him; and for the most part she’s a good mother; but sometimes I just can’t stand being around her kid cause he’s a little manipulative somebody. He’s smart and cunning. And maybe I don’t know shit about kids but that little negro whines and she babies him and it grades the fuck out of my nerves.

    How can you be the village when your parenting views differ?

  14. run8gene on 16 Apr 2008 at 6:10 am #

    funny i should check your site today….this one was right on time. I am a 41 yr old hard working blue collar black man that makes it well…..and I ONLY am the man i’ve become BECAUSE i had the “village” keeping it’s collective foot to my ass…from my parents to my babysitter to the public school (that paddled that ass when necessary, and was ALLOWED to), to the deacons and adults in church to my neighbors….but hell, as a man now, i get CHASTISED for trying to say that parents need to PARENT FIRST….I get called ELITIST for even SUGGESTING that kids need a firm hand, lest they fall prey to the “underachieving is cool” mentality that pervades segments of OUR people today…..those single moms HATE to hear that they are being soft on kids when they “refuse to fight this battle so I just give in” or “compensate for his daddy not being there by being soft”….and then i meet single moms that don’t know what a “man of the house” is but is all too accustomed to a “man IN the house”? They can accept that brotha that has nothing to say but will watch wrong s*** happen….well, i’m not that cat….but those “parentless” kids are the ones we speak of. All that behavior is “cute” until that kid gets locked up because he/she has never known a limit or had a foot to that ass….and then of course, its SOMEONE ELSES FAULT…whew…

  15. One Villager on 17 Apr 2008 at 6:27 pm #

    Girl, I hear you and I love your writing. If the situation wasn’t so serious, I would laugh, well I laughed anyway, but:

    It Takes A Village: Guess what? I know, All you have to do is believe there is a village and there is one. My mom used to have me shivering. Everywhere I went she “knew a lady” who would tell her everything that I did. Stupid me, I was so paranoid, I wanted to roll my eyes at almost every “lady” that I saw. (You do realize that I said “wanted to”). Was too scared to do that. I really believed this shit. Of course she never told me it wasn’t so, I just got grown enough to know better. Ya gotta know how to “psych” the damn children up, that’s all. You just gotta come through one time. I do believe, most of them know who to play with. I have had grown ass children (who give their mothers hell) trying to “get smart” with me. When I finish putting them in their place, they calm the hell down.

    You got to let them know you don’t play that. Let them harass their own damn mother. If she takes it, it’s on her. Dads too. Well, I realize even that doesn’t work in some cases, but ……. You know what ….. I just don’t know. Still laughing my ass off at “I’m steering clear of these little fuckers before I end up getting my ass kicked on Youtube.”

  16. Anonymous on 17 Apr 2008 at 7:31 pm #

    This is unfortunately, sickening and true. I am a mother and a former teacher, so I have seen the whole spectrum- but I never hesitate to call a kid out, because really they know what’s up, and they know that they should not be loud in public or cuss in front of adults, They know these things and their parents do too. But you have got to have patience, persistence and maybe some back up ( my foootball playing, silent partner) We are so fearful of lawsuits, and protective services we do our children the disservice of letting media raise them. THe village is indeed gone- but I think it would take very little to rebuild it.

  17. jamdonaldson on 17 Apr 2008 at 9:24 pm #

    LMAO at One Villager “she knew a lady”! that was hilarious.

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  19. MissJay on 19 Apr 2008 at 8:46 pm #

    I grew up in the ass whupping era. But I didn’t get that many. Not because my parents were soft, it was because I learned when I did xyz, I got my ass whupped. So either don’t do it again, or at least don’t get caught LOL.
    I don’t allow bad ass children around me. I’m about to be a stepmom and I tell my fiance all the time, “I don’t do unruly children”. They’re really not bad for the most part but like to test you. After all they are small and are just learning. But they know I don’t let them get whatever they want when they wine and DEFINITELY NOT when they wanna TRY (notice I said TRY) to throw a tantrum around me, didn’t work with my parents and it doesn’t work with me. And tantrums get you ignored and left where you fell out(they get up with the quickness when I walk away from it) because I REFUSE to be embarrassed.

    Remember “the look”? That look your mom gave you that said ‘you keep actin a ass if you want to you just wait till we get home’ that stopped you in your tracks. I got the question “you wanna go to the bathroom?” that = ass whuppin if you don’t stop LOL. Ahh the good ole days…

  20. MissJay on 19 Apr 2008 at 8:49 pm #

    And that little boy in the corner woulda got his ass tore UP and that finger would be healing by the time the next picture day came around.

  21. msjlouise on 21 Apr 2008 at 7:41 pm #

    I remember that look Missjay!!! I am grown and gone and my mama will still look at me like that when I say something sideways, which is once every blue moon.

    P.S. she will tell me in a minute, “You aint too grown to get put over my knee”

  22. The Fitness Diva on 22 Apr 2008 at 4:00 am #

    People do need to start back raising their kids, but most of the ones that have kids now weren’t raised right themselves. We have seriously lost at least 3 generations here when it comes to the last one that had parents that whupped that ass and raised them right.

    Most parents today don’t give a damn…they’re too busy trying to party and have a social life themselves. Letting their kids run the streets gives them more free time. It’s a mess!

    I tell you, though, with these smart mouth, “I’m SO bad ass” ones, damn near grown but still not legal, out here trying to clown, you really have to remind yourself of the consequences of hurting somebody’s disrespectful, unruly child/teen out here. In my mind, you step to me like an adult, I’ma have to treat you like one. I see them approaching in the distance and steer clear. My ass can NOT go to jail!

    This is a tough one to crack, and I don’t see any solution in sight.
    At this point it’s not going to get any better.

  23. Lise on 24 Apr 2008 at 1:54 am #

    I think you’re right that we Village Folk need to do better. I’m a mom of four. I was raised right, but man these kids are challenging as hell sometimes. I remember going to volunteer (more like VolunTOLD) at my son’s Catholic school. I had to watch 4th graders at recess (kids older than my son’s class). These little boys were cussing up a storm. WTF is this I’m thinking? Your mouth is that foul – and on church grounds no less? Lord help us! I didn’t say anything and regretted it until – Fast forward a few years and another young kid looks at me tells me “Miss Lise, you don’t think I’d say something like that do you? I told him I know better that to think you don’t know how to cuss, and not to say it again.

    Maybe they think we’re stupid – or scared – or both. I got something for the little one that thinks he can try it.

  24. Anonymous on 25 Apr 2008 at 8:58 pm #

    There was a king/queen contest/ winter dance at my son’s school. A great fund-raiser but no one thought to preview the music. Sure the dj played the “clean” version of the songs, but there were far too many children attending the dance that knew the “uncut” version. No one batted an eye as these children sang the uncut lyrics. That, however pailed in comparison to the dance moves the young girls did. When the song said get lo’ they were already there. Embarassed for them, I grabbed my son, his winning trophy and headed for the door.

    These kids can’t get to school on time, properly conjugate a verb or get decent scores on exams, standardized or not, but can give you the rundown on all things poppin’.(did I mention this was elementary school)

    It takes a village, but I’m not tryna get shanked by offering my 2 cents.

  25. Ron Brokaw on 27 Apr 2008 at 5:24 am #

    Exactly – too many babies having too many babies!! But I’ll be damned if I’m going to be afraid of some 12-year-old or end up on YouTube. The problem is, no one kicked these kids’ ass when they were young, and now they’re all out of control! In a lot of cases, the parents were out of control to begin with, so if their kid gets smacked in the face and they want some, they can get it too. Teach yourself some self-respect, and teach your child some, too!

  26. Anonymous on 28 Apr 2008 at 4:06 pm #

    I agree 100% and I have confronted kids in my neighborhood when they’re being disrespectful and unruly. Unfortunately, the kids in my neighborhood don’t seem to care. I live in the Columbia Heights neighborhood in DC and recently, I was followed home by a pack (they sure do travel in packs) of neighborhood kids ranging in age from 7-12. They were loud and cursing, and I was doing my best to ignore them until youngest boy in the group proceeded to tell me that he could “give me something between my legs.” I’m not even kidding. A 7 year old! At that point, I lost it and told him never to say anything so rude and disgusting to anyone again. I went about my business, the kids followed me home, and one picked up a small plank of wood off the street and threw it at me. I then turned around and chased them down the street. They weren’t so tough when they realized that I wasn’t going to stand for it. There have been several similar incidents some that could have led to serious violence i.e., a group of teenage girls carrying bats and wood banging on neighborhood doors trying to find a girl they wanted to beat up. The kids are out of control, but the only people to blame are the parents. No ifs, ands or buts about it.

  27. Anonymous on 28 Apr 2008 at 5:53 pm #

    I am sitting here with my wide open at the statements made by the person at “April 28, 2008 12:06 PM”

    I can not believe (I believe you, I am just stunned) that a child had the balls to say that and then pick up a damn plank and throw it.

    That would’ve been a terific day for a tremendous ass whoopin for his ass and if his mama wanted some, she can get it too!!!!

  28. Dannah on 28 Apr 2008 at 9:19 pm #

    [quote]the first time you attempt to correct a village child, their village mama is likely gonna beat your village ass.[/quote]

    Anywhere this is true. I make the kids in my neighborhood follow the same rules as my kids and if they don’t they get sent home. Most of the time the parents are insulted but I’m not going to deal with bratty kids in my home!!!!

  29. Neia on 30 Apr 2008 at 5:29 pm #

    Preach!

  30. Anonymous on 03 May 2008 at 4:38 pm #

    “My Grand Mother/Mom didn’t play that.And put the word out to our neighbors that if anybody saw me acting up Call her or get after me.Fear can be a good thing sometimes, it might even save you from an ass whipping.And Shame if its taught right.Back in the day you didn’t want to do ANYTHING to bring shame to your family.”

    In what time period did this Utopia exist?

  31. Anonymous on 09 May 2008 at 11:38 pm #

    I teach high school in the inner-city…and I have taught high school for the past seven years (yes, I MUST b insane)…and I said the exact same things to my students today because they talk about any and every thing in front of me!!!!

    “Do you have any shame?” I asked. I told them that the difference between when I was growing up and today’s teen is that I would never say “My man licks my ass crack up and down” within ear shot of ANY adult!!!! My students say stuff like that ALL the time!!!! It’s unbelievable!!!

    And no…you can’t say anything to kids these days because they may shoot you…and if they don’t do that, then they may beat the shit out of you…and if not that…then their crazy-ass mama will!!!!

    Ms. Friendly
    http://www.msfriendly.wordpress.com

  32. Anonymous on 14 May 2008 at 3:47 am #

    I’ve already started telling my 3 yo daughter that I’m not her friend, I’m MOMMY. You can get rid of friends. You can’t get rid of me! When you turn 21, then we can be friends.

  33. Anonymous on 30 May 2008 at 9:12 pm #

    dude, someone pray for the kids AND the kids having kids having kids. This mess is beyond ridiculous.

    And to think, they are passing a law to ban whooping kids with objects such as wooden spoons, belts, switches from trees, and vacuum cords. Well dam, what the hell else can i beat them with, cuz just the hand ain’t gonna do the job!

  34. Deb's Daughter on 02 Jun 2008 at 3:50 pm #

    Man, I am feeling what everyone is saying on here. I am probably part of the generation that act this way (I’m 22). I can tell you that, when I was in high school, kids would talk about sucking dicks and smoking weed. When I was in middle school, girls wanted to start fights with me for no reason. I don’t even say boo to them and they go talking shit and talking about fighting me. And, now, what is scary is that I’m seeing younger kids act worse. You want to say something to them, but you can’t in fear that they will beat you or kill you. And, if you do do something, they will tell their momma and they will come get you. I see a lot of bad ass kids in my neighbor and you have no idea how many times I want to get a switch and beat the hell out of them. Child abuse? Fuck that. This s the end result when you don’t beat your child’s ass. “Spare the rod, spoil the child,” This has never been so apparant and true until now. I got by ass whooped when I was little. And yeah, I resented my parents for doing it. But, when I got older, I realized why did it. And as crazy that it might sound, I’m to this day grateful that they did it. You would never see my blatantly out loud in front of a whole crowd and talk about sexual escapades. You would never see me being belligerent and wanting to stirr shit. I learned how to act in public. Why, because, when I was little, if I didn’t, would get the shit beat out of me. Do I have kids? No, but it does’t take a rocket scientist to see that today parents aren’t being parents. And now this is the end result. They seems to have the superlative power. That just shouldn’t be. I don’t care what the experts say. BEAT YO KID’S ASS! I know it’s not anything anyone wants to do, but it’s for their own good. You are not doing them any service by being their friend. As a matter of fact, it will have the adverse affect. Please believe that if I were to have children one day, the are getting their butt whooped. No if, ands, or buts about it.

  35. Anonymous on 02 Jun 2008 at 9:18 pm #

    Perhaps people should count less on the village and rely on taking their children to church, surrounding them by good influences, teaching them right from wrong and placing and emphasis on education. There are plenty things to avoid, most rap and hip-hop, television that is not educational and after-school activities without the supervision of responsible adults. I wish that we could find a way to be better parents and role models.

  36. Anonymous on 02 Jun 2008 at 11:32 pm #

    Whne I was in the 4th grade I got a swat (yes, teachers used to be able to control their students.) for acting up in the hallways and disturbing classes. I told my dad thinking he would tell the principal hands off. My dad spanked me for misbehaving at school. A very immportant message was delivered. My parents stood behind the folks the entrusted to educate me, not my excuse making self.

  37. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly on 03 Jun 2008 at 7:56 pm #

    To Anonymous, June 2 @5:18 p.m.

    The church IS the Village; the Village is also those who you advocate surrounding them by with good influences, the educaional system is the Village the supervising responsible adults at the after-school activities are also the Village. They are all part of the Village.

    Unfortunately the Village also consists of those who contribute negatively. You can’t count less on the village you have to try to make the village stronger.

    The way to be better parents and role models is to live by the golden rule. Children imitate. uum I think. Anyway. . . . .

    We are all the Vilage, the good, the bad and the ugly.

  38. Anonymous on 09 Jun 2008 at 11:56 pm #

    The village is getting worn down by those who are scared to instill values, morals, and standards in their own children. As a teacher I couldn’t agree more. I have had parents tell me how to do my job. If my job was so easy you could/would do it. Parents are so quick to defend their wrong children and I have seen it have an adverse effect. Last year, a parent was a pain in the butt, anytime I said something she didn’t like to her child she was up at the school acting a fool. Tell anyone who would listen that he doesn’t act like this at home. Well, I did have to ask “what are your standards at home?” This same child called his mother a bitch whenever the mood hit. So you are right the little trival stuff that is bothering me in the classroom as a teacher has way since bypassed the parent in the home. That same child was arrested and spent a weekend in juvie for fighting mom amd leaving her with bruises.

  39. Anonymous on 10 Jun 2008 at 11:17 pm #

    Oh my goodness…I am so frustrated because this is so true. I am a young black teacher and I have had the worst time of my life trying to get some parents and family members of my class to understand why they cannot curse loudly in the hallway in the morning before dropping off their kids, why they shouldn’t be ready to fight me because I tell them about the day their child had, why just because I’m young and telling them this doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m talking about. I was raised old school, and my mom made sure I knew anyone she left me with she trusted enough to whoop my behind if I got out of line. Now, I have to ask parents to stay away from the classroom, because as soon as they see parents, they think, “Finally, someone is here to protect me from this teacher who keeps telling me to make good choices!” They act so foolish and all too many times the parents sit back and watch while I try to maintain order in the class when it’s their child causing all the disruption. I’ve been so fed up. Don’t mean to take up so much space but as you can see I am frustrated. And then….they have the nerve to call me racist because I look at them like they are triflin’ when they cuss each other out, and have even had to call meetings to discuss the fact that they can not threaten to beat me up in front of the children and other parents. Like you said, triflin is triflin, and I’m tired of people thinking because you are black you don’t have to have any class. I’m trying to instill morals and values in the kids so they can have a future, but the parents defend their children when I let them know that I had to ask him or her several times to stop hitting each other or play wrestling in the room. The kids would disrespect me openly if I didn’t punish them in my room. I take away all types of things which is what some of these parents need to do because some of them have gone too far with the beatings. And that’s exactly what it is. It’s not whoopin’s or spankings. It’s all out beatings for anything the kid says or does. Abuse! We need a balance, too. And I have spoken up so many times to kids just actin’ straight crazy, and sometimes they listen and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes, i don’t have the time to follow through so I do turn a blind eye. And then sometimes, administration doesn’t even do anything to back you up when a kid calls you a “Fucking bitch”. We gotta do something because if not our children will not learn a thing. If they don’t learn anything in my class, I want them to at least learn respect for people who have knowledge to give to you whether you like their presentation of it or not. Get the knowledge and use it to go higher.

  40. James on 17 Jun 2008 at 12:34 am #

    It takes a village no matter what the outcome maybe. What is seen in children today is the result of a poor, weak village. A manifestation of people having babies who have as their right the instinct of an animal to reproduce. Never a questioning thought if they deserve to create a creater, a self propelling wheel. Never a thought to create the one that is greater than the two.
    I recall a conversation I had with my great-uncle, born and raised on a Sioux reservation in North Dakota, before he died. He told me that all elders were called father, mother, grandgather, and grandmother. That it was not only the right, but expected by everyone to discipline the children. When he was about 12 he and all the male children of age were taken to “sweat” and not allowed to eat for more that 24 hours. Then they were taken and placed on their knees. At which time the eldest grandmother went to him and told him to stick out his tongue. She placed and held a piece of meat on it until he was drulling all over himself. Then removed it; telling him that the hunger he felt all of the boys feel, then gave him all the meat. He distrupted it making sure everyone ate before he did. That was the passage into the village “world”. That others are more important than the self.
    He spoke of the coming of the Black and White robes “catholics and protestants” to the reservation. How they separated the village, families and the bickering, fighting began to kill this, overall, pieceful culture. Rightfully there is no word for “god” in the Lakota language and that word was used as a weapon against them. The black or white, which is to say all humankind, culture is no different. Remember the definition of culture: learned behavior.
    On and on I can go, but I believe you would best find the answers to your questions by picking up a copy of Friedrich Niezsche’s “The Anti-Christ”. To find a path out of this “village” read “Thus Spoke Zarathustra”. And if you struggle to wrap your mind around the thought that “God is dead” at least see that he/she/it is at least retired. Created once, possably, but now creation is up to us all. The sooner we all come to this conclusion the better off we will all be.
    Fight against that dark feeling that oftens also comes to me. That it is to late. It is a difficult and great struggle to take a priest, meekness, pity, as an enemy, but not as hard as was once.

  41. joy on 21 Jun 2008 at 5:14 am #

    Just found your blog and I love it. I’m a principal in the Watts area of Los Angeles and it indeed take a village…
    By the way the little girl on the other end of the picture is giving the finger too!!!

  42. Anonymous on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:02 pm #

    Real talk Jam. I love your site.

    Parents no longer have the ability to put the “fear” in their kids. I am only 28 and I swear I remember still remember clearly the crazy side eye I used to get from my mom if I even thought about doing something I had no business doing. She didn’t play and I did not test that her on it. She believed in spankings and arm snatching, please believe. Unfortunately though as it has already been previously stated, parents are scared. Knowing that your child (CHILD!) could have you arrested is ridiculous but it is the way of our world. My own feelings are that I guess you are just gonna have to lock me up because kids are bad and are getting worse and if their actions warrant me to warm their butt with the palm of my hand, then so be it. I’m just saying.

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  44. HollyNo Gravatar on 29 Nov 2010 at 3:31 pm #

    It feels so good to know that I’m not the only one noticing this stuff. I’m a proud parent of two boys,they are 8 and 6. And I do give whoopings.I was raised that if you spare the rod you spoil the child. Anyhow my neighbor has all of her grandchildren literally living with her,which makes about 7 or 8. And one day I was looking out my window and seen this 10 year old girl in broad daylight smoking a cigarette,so I call the grandma to let her know what I saw and she tells me that kids are gonna be kids. If that would’ve been me at ten years of age,I would’ve got my ass beat.no doubt in my mind. Then one night my husband looks out the window around 10:00 and her 14 year old grandson was standing in front of my house with his pants pulled down to his knees. This time I called the police. Not sure what he said to them but later I heard from another neighbor that she said her grandson doesn’t do stuff like this. Well apparently she doesn’t know her grandson too well. They cuss and everything else. It really shocked me that a grandma that was raised back in the day when people got their ass whooped would allow such stuff to go on. My kids are not perfect but you ever let the police come to my house with allegations that my child was standing in the street with his ass hung out and see what happens. They would have to take me to jail because his ass would be mine whether I saw it happen or not.

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