Thursday, February 25, 2010
Melanie Fiona’s ‘It Kills Me’: The Desperate, Pathetic Woman’s Anthem
I know sometimes we are all a sucker for a good beat, a nice melody and a sweet voice. A current song that has recently made its way to the top of the charts, though, has got to be the worst thing to happen to women since stiletto heels. When I first heard this tune, I wasn’t familiar with Melanie Fiona (pictured above). I just knew that every time I heard the pathetic, desperate, lyrics, I was disgusted.
It’s been a long time since I heard a song by a woman that was so destructive to the empowerment of sisterhood. Fiona’s song is basically, the desperate, pathetic woman’s anthem. Forget self-esteem, forget independent thought, forget doing what’s best for you, Fiona loudly proclaims about 15 times a day, every day, on the radio that, it’s really about a warm body. Forget demanding that you be treated with respect, as long as he comes home eventually, it’s all good.
Fiona’s song unfortunately tells young women that agonizing over a no-good man, who is clearly bad for you, is not only reasonable but is a true indicator of “love.” It proclaims to the rooftops that having a dirty dog of a boyfriend is okay, and you just have to deal with it as best you can.
And as if we don’t have enough problems with families in the black community, now here comes a woman who shamelessly declares that she also wants to have babies with this man, who admittedly treats her like dog shit. He cheats, they fight, he doesn’t come home — sounds like the perfect man to father your babies, Melanie.
At some point we must all take responsibility for the messages we are promulgating to our young people about life and relationships and choices. Can we be that surprised that our young women allow themselves to be treated poorly and then add insult to injury by having children with awful men in the name of “love” ? We wonder why our ladies come home with idiots and thugs who can’t string a sentence together or who abuse them or otherwise disrespect them? We wonder why so many young women blamed Rihanna. Well, I have one place to start looking for answers: the radio. Yes, Fiona, you’ve gotta be out your mind.
LYRICS: Â ”It Kills Me” by Melanie Fiona
I’ve got trouble with my friends, trouble in my life. Â Problems when you don’t come home at night, Â but when you do you always start a fight…
But I cant be alone I need you to come on home I know you messing around, but who the hell else is gonna hold me down ?
Ooooh I gotta be out my mind to think it’s gonna work this time… A part of me wants to leave, but the other side still believes…
And it kills me to know how much I really love you. So much I wanna ooh hoo ohh to you hoo hoo
Should I grab his cell, call this chic up Start some shhhh then hang up?
Or should I be a lady Oohh maybe cause I wanna have his babies…
Ohh yah yahh cause I don’t wanna be alone, Â I don’t need to be on my own. But I love this man But some things I just can’t stand.
ohhhh Ive gotta be out my mind To think its gonna work this time…
A part of me wants to leave but the other half still believes and it kills me to know how much I really love you So much I wanna oohh hoo ohhh, to you hoo hooo…
Should I pay him back to see how he’ll react ,to see if he’ll React to my love…
My love Oohh I’ve gotta be out my mind, Â to think it’s gonna work this time…
Oohh a part of me wants to leave but the other half still believes and it kills me to know how much I really love you so much I wanna oohh hoo to you hoo hoo…
Joelle
on 25 Feb 2010 at 6:16 pm #
Thank you! I have been ranting about this song forever! When I heard it, I couldn’t believe I was hearing the words correctly….”cuz I wanna have his babies” As you like to say RUFKM? This kind of nonsense sets women back to the dark ages. The song turns my stomach and I get angry everytime I hear the opening hook. Thank you-preach!
jamdonaldson
on 25 Feb 2010 at 6:59 pm #
Yeah, i know we’re probably immune to a lot of the nonsense, but occasionally one just kinda sticks in my craw. Like…really Melanie? And i probably would have looked over this one as well if it werent for the “want to have his babies” part. That just takes it to a whole other level of ignance. Its one thing to screw up your life, but to choose to bring kids into it, is something i despise. Dont we have enough bitter baby mamas….?
Great, stick the kids with a dirtbag of a father just because you don’t want to be alone. Sounds like a great idea.
AssertiveWit
on 25 Feb 2010 at 7:03 pm #
I like Melanie Fiona but this song got a thumbs down from me. Even though the song doesn’t directly say the woman is going to stay with the guy, I think it’s very suggestive that despite all the shat she’s put through, she’d still settle for this nut JUST to say she’s got the guy. Not quite the message to send…
However, this is still freedom of “art” LOL *shrugs*
AssertiveWit’s last blog post..Babybottoms: The Adorable Menace
Michelle on 25 Feb 2010 at 8:08 pm #
Girl preach on!
Shinola
on 25 Feb 2010 at 8:21 pm #
You’re right Jam, but I always tend to look deeper and farther. What about the next generation raised by the chickenheads singing now? I remember how much of a fuss ‘Dopeman’ by NWA started, and these are all just songs that no one believes influences young minds.
I gotta say how much of an inspiration you are to me. I’m a 45 year old married man with a 13 year old son. For the longest time I felt alone in my mentality of what’s wrong with our people. Your book speaks of duality. That was the one thing I really needed to hear. I’ll be honest, I don’t read much, at least nothing beyond technical literature related to my career. Your book has sparked an interest that has made me read DuBois, Moyo and some others you mentioned. The website was funny until I read your book to understand why you really do what you do. You are as important as any activist that has ever lived. I see the difference in you being your message is very very simple and at the level anyone should overstand and accept.
Peace and Blessings.
Moonie
on 04 Mar 2010 at 4:00 am #
I see your point on musical content… buttttttttttttttttttttt
Damn everything ain’t that serious! Sometimes a song is just a song. Everything isn’t meant for an intellectual shake down and a judgmental finger shake about a recording artists responsibility to womanhood. That is something your parents should be instilling in you not singer.
The wonderful thing about music is its ability to capture slithers of human emotion and experiences even the emotions we are not comfortable with. Like it or not there are sad women who wrap themselves up in a man and go through it over a relationship. Or maybe its played 100 times a day because people just like the song??
I took this song as just a throw back to old soul music. Aretha, Billie Holiday, Teddy,and Lenny Williams all begged and moaned over a shitty lover. What’s the difference? Shoot Bette Wright gave us the fuckery of “having a piece of man is better than having no man at all” (which I believe women believe in more than Jesus) so this subject matter isn’t new.
So perhaps you are reading just a tiny bit too much into it?
My two piece and a pepper.. (with bad grammar and spelling mistakes)
May the Coven of the Articulate not strike me down. Amen.
P.S. I am not a Fiona fan
::cut::
Raaq
on 04 Mar 2010 at 1:41 pm #
Good afternoon Jam. I am a huge supporter of freedom of speech and artistic expression. To that end I support Melanie Fiona’s artistic expression and I support your opinion of her lyrics. I am so thankful that you took the time to raise our awareness of the lyrics because most music nowadays is being listened to passively. As a result these words and thoughts seep into our minds subconsciously unless we choose to turn the dial and/or, more importantly, engage in healthy discussions about relationships with our sons and daughters. In doing so, hopefully as parents, we can provide effective tools for our children to make better choices with. Quite honestly, if you hadn’t raised my awareness about these lyrics I wouldn’t be making plans right now to have a healthy discussion with my son and daughter about their belief systems on dating and relationships. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Peace and blessings!
bianca
on 05 Mar 2010 at 12:44 pm #
i agree with raaq it is just a song.older people put to much into it.it is just a song.she is describing how much she is in love with this guy pouring out her feelings.every woman has been their when they were younger and dont know that its a better man out their for them.so they hold on to what they have and what they know.for the record im 24, no kids , their is no man worth all that drama and work.im waiting tell i get married to my soul mate before i have his babies.
KingBiz
on 08 Mar 2010 at 1:24 pm #
i am 3 sides of this fence when it comes to this song. On one side is the people who say “it’s just a song!”- the whole mountain out of a molehill argument. You’re absolutely correct. It is just a song and you are entitled by the us constitution to say what you want to say.
BUT this then leads me to the other side of the fence and says- this song is pathetic! we wonder why we are stuck with the stigma that we are baby machines- crap like this.
and lastly the final side of the fence is that Melanie can have my babies.
With all that said, I like the hook, i hate the lyrics and i can’t listen to an oxymoron so I avoid it altogether. promote desperation with a hot beat. SMH…
KingBiz
on 08 Mar 2010 at 1:25 pm #
OH! what i forgot to mention, is how easily it is to mold children with music. I need to find the source BUT Hitler himself realized this and used his country’s music studios to promote his message through music. - i know it’s an extreme example, but i think it’s the best example.
Jonzie
on 08 Mar 2010 at 1:40 pm #
I’m so ashamed of myself…I’ve been singing this song for about 2 months now and I’m just now really alone in this house - have quiet all around me and for the first time have listened to the lyrics and not just the beat and chorus.
But…why do the critics give Beyonce’s Ring The Alarm a pass and Fiona is being criticized by most music stations? I have daughters and they were singing this pathetic song but they also sing Ring the alarm by Beyonce. Same message different pathetic song…..
KingBiz
on 08 Mar 2010 at 3:22 pm #
Jonzie, what a GOOD POINT!
“if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it…”
whatever happened to building a lasting relationship not based on sex and “liking” someone, but based on genuine -agape love?
Dr. Kiti
on 09 Mar 2010 at 10:01 pm #
Um, wow, I like the beat, I like her voice and ::FAIL:: I’ve never even paid attention to the lyrics.
I am guilty, so guilty, of liking songs before catching the lyrics.
Dammit Jam, you just ruined this one for me. I agree that it’s just a song, artists are puppets for their labels, yadda yadda yadda, but there comes a time when we have to take some sort of responsibility for what we put out to the world. Someone is bound to be influenced by it whether that’s the intention or not.
M. Slade
on 10 Mar 2010 at 4:48 pm #
Again, I agee with you. The mentality behind this song is sad and embarrassing. No woman should accept being treated as a ho.
But the main reason I wrote was to tell Jam that her opinions are on the mark and her blog should be required reading for the entire black community. We’d do much better listening to you than Tavis Smiley’s tired ass.
I direct as many people as I can to your blog and I plan on buying your book.
You make so much sense, that if I wasn’t married, I’d track you down and do something to you that you’d like.
(Don’t worry. I’m not a stalker. I just like what you have to say.)
jam donaldson
on 10 Mar 2010 at 5:40 pm #
Thank you so much for your kind words and i would love your feedback on the book. BTW, I don’t think my ego is big enough to take Tavis’ spot.
as far as getting together…maybe next lifetime…
jam donaldson
on 10 Mar 2010 at 5:42 pm #
@Jonzie, the main diffference between this song and Ring the Alarm and a million of other pathetic woman songs is the BABIES part. That’s what stuck out to me when i listened and thats what put it in another category for me.
BizLiz
on 10 Mar 2010 at 10:41 pm #
I’m a 23 young woman …Its not a great song at all these days its bad enough that negative things are going around….I believe something more postive and it encourages more woman enpowerment … They play that song to death on the radio sation it irrates me…In fact I had to yell at my best friend for playing that song when broke up with her boyfriend….I was temped to slap some sense into her…
The lyrics are crazy to me * I want to have his babies * Please who wants to have babies? for young ladies who are just begginning to be independant getting an education starting their career…Who just have dreams in general and dreaming of not being permanently attach to a male that is selfish and foolish… Just simply a *Douche Bag*
Young people like me who are in their tweens to late 20’s listen to this …. Its poison to the brain…This song brings no justice to a slippery downward of todays music and young people….
* Its a Trap! Run! *
The Ladi Roc
on 12 Mar 2010 at 1:22 pm #
Oh yaahh ive got trouble with my friends
Trouble in my life (considering you have all this trouble try looking for some peace)
Problems when you don’t come home at night
But when you do you always start a fight (Clearly he needs to say where the hell he’s at, but if you enjoy gettin slapped around be my guest.)
But I cant be alone , I need you to come on home
I know you messin around, but who the hell else is gonna hold me down (One would think you would perfer to be alone rather than to be this man’s cum rag. You know he’s fucking others yet you gon let him hit it and give you yet another STD. Hey if you found him, I’m sure you’ll find others.))
Ooooh I gotta be out my mind to think it’s gonna work this time
A part of me wants to leave, but the other side still believes (you gotdamn right, you crazy)
And it kills me to know how much I really love you
So much I wanna ooh hoo ohh to you hoo hoo (The real question is how much do you love yourself… a wooo whooo hooooooo that)
Should I grab his cell, call this chick up
Start some shhhh then hang up (Why you callin that woman, her alligence ain’t with you. Don’t let your mouth write a check your ass can’t cash. But your man on the other hand try confronting him)
Or I should I be a lady (hahahahahahhahahahaha)
Oohh maybe (not convicenced you just act like a mature adult huh)
cuz I wanna have his babies (so now you think if you get pregnant by him then he’ll always be in your life. Nevermind that chances are your children are gonna hafta to grow up without a father. nevermind that you are gonna have your children witness you ack like a fucking fool cuz he’s cheatin and lying to you you)
Ohh yah yahh cuz I don’t wanna be alone (Beat me, cheat on me, lie to me, knock me up just don’t leave me)
I dont need to be on my own(It’s really ok if you are alone. In fact, I’m gonna encourge you to be alone. You have now sense of self. No identity. No ambition. No faith in yourself or God)
But I love this man (and I hate myself)
But some things I cant stand ohhhh (that would be my reflection)
Ive gotta be out my mind (you gotdamn right. you crazy. {this was your affirmation})
To think its gonna work this time
A part of me wants to leave but the other half still believes
and it kills mee to know how much I really love you
So much I wanna oohh hoo ohhh, to you hoo hooo
Kim
on 16 Mar 2010 at 9:03 am #
So true. I was riding in the car with my 16 year old daughter when i heard it. I made sure she knew how stupid it sounds. The record producers put nice vocals and beats to nonsense lyrics and everybody ignores the message. However, the message stills get into their spirit. This is dangerous!
JF
on 17 Mar 2010 at 8:02 pm #
No, people such as yourself are definitely taking the song either too seriously, or finding a context within it that doesn’t exist.
You know, because nobody ever actually feels the way she does in the song. Relationships are pretty perfect, and if not there’s a quick easy exit. Nobody is ever going to be able to relate to this song.
No, this is just an example of people climbing on a horse to speak about something, just because.
The message of every song ever written isn’t going to be extremely positive, nor is it going to resonate with people who have never been in the situation.
Angela Lovely on 18 Mar 2010 at 9:08 pm #
I understand every one’s opinion about this “pathetic” song but to be truthful I like the the beat and the voice behind it but as for the lyrics, I would have to say there very pathetic. If a guy treats you so badly why be with him. Do your self a favor and move on to the next.
Angel
on 19 Mar 2010 at 9:23 pm #
I hate this song … along w. Latoya Luckett’s “REGRET” … To me that song is nothing more then the angry rantings of a woman who got played into bein a sugah mama….then he left. Is their really pride in pointing out you supported your man’s wardrobe ?? Car game ?? Shoe game ?? And let him drink on your tab ?? I guess it’s just me … I dunno, if you can’t keep yourself up…I’m not going to be the one making up the difference.
Angel’s last blog post..Rebirth …. Revamped….and Ready to Rant
Sierra
on 22 Mar 2010 at 8:45 pm #
I hate, hate, hate this song!!!! When I came across this posting I was like “FINALLY….someone who who agrees with me!!!”
This song is truly a declaration of ridiculousness and low self-esteem amongst women. Why settle? I’ve never understood the lyrics?!?!? “I know you’ve been messing around, but who the hell else is gonna hold me down?”…why is this even a question! As a woman, you should be able to hold your own! Why are so many women dependent on these men…grrrrr!…and singing and playing this song on full blast, like it is THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD….a mess!
Gayle
on 25 Mar 2010 at 2:14 pm #
There are a slew of these songs out there. And yes, it’s quite frightening. Just as disturbing is Jazmine Sullivann’s “In love with another man” where she talks about loving a man who doesn’t even treat her right while she has a man at home who actually does treat her right. These kind of lyrics enforce the ridiculous notion that “you can’t help who you love”, which is the anthem of every woman I know who refused to read the often glaring signs of a bad relationship before she ever got in it. These songs are no different than when 2 girls decide to fight over a boy both of them purport to be dating. Neither of them recognizes his blame, but they’ll gladly kill each other about it. One short chat with the right teenage girl will prove that this mentality is alive and well and probably living next door to you. If this is not disturbing, it should be.
Eva
on 06 Apr 2010 at 1:06 am #
All of this discussion for what? It doesn’t matter if the song is pathetic… What’s pathetic is that the song is an imitation of real life. Don’t shoot the messenger!!
P.S. Babies have been brought into much worse situations than a woman desperately loving her cheating man, I might add…
globalsistah
on 07 Apr 2010 at 3:04 am #
Thank you, thank you, thank you for saying so. What a whack song with a whack message!!!!!
Anonymous on 20 Apr 2010 at 12:06 am #
I think that yall looking one way at the song. I was engaged when that song came out to a man who I looooooooooved but he didn’t treat me right. So I related very much to the turmoil that the girl in the song went through. It was this song that gave me the inspiration I needed to call off the engagement and leave that relationship.
Its not pathetic its real and like Eva said two comments before me, don’t shoot the messanger. Alot of women go through whats talked about in that song and it doesnt say stay with the man it says it kills me to know how much I love you even thought you treat me like shit.
Me on 21 Apr 2010 at 12:44 pm #
I kinda liked the song at first when I would hear it on the radio. Then one day I actually fully paid attention to the lyrics. I cannot stand this song. It is pathetic for a woman to feel like this about a man that doesn’t care enough about her to be with her. I think her voice is nice, but is wasted on this terrible song….unless she has a follow up song that talks about how she left this fool and moved on with her life in a productive way.
jae
on 02 May 2010 at 12:41 pm #
I like the song maybe because I like her as an artist. I wouldn’t feed to much into …because there are ladies that feel like this…so …..don’t like it don’t listen ..
jae’s last blog post..Good Word
isti
on 19 May 2010 at 5:06 am #
i love melanie fiona..
isti’s last blog post..Big Nose and Mouth Good For Health
sandi
on 17 Jun 2010 at 3:28 pm #
I totally agree with u on this song. This is so pathetic 4 our young girls,(and) boys 4 that matter - 2 b listening to! I like Melanie also, but that’s neither here nor there.It’s not about whether u like her or not!! It’s about the lyrics!!!!!!
Eve
on 29 Jun 2010 at 11:11 am #
I don’t like this song. I couldn’t believe the lyrics. The song came on when I was riding in the car with my ex, and I said, “she is crazy as hell.” He couldn’t understand why. I said that’s why we are apart now because I hope you don’t think what she is talking about is normal. I love all my family and friends, and I am saddened to know someone like that. I tried to talk to her but you can’t tell her anything. She thinks its love.
Toi
on 01 Jul 2010 at 3:09 am #
You Guy are really looking into this song too deep , ugh I hate ppl like y’all who always gotta down somebody , quit being so damn literal shit ugh why are y’all even on here if u don’t like it then YOU don’t listen , just because she’s admiting to how she feels doesn’t mean she’s pathetic or whatever , it is even more pathetic that there are actually women who go thru this shit EVERY DAMN DAY and isn’t that what music is about ? Making music ur listeners can RELATE to ? ! If no one could relate to her than as an artist she hasn’t done her job . ! ! Y’all just mad and wanna down a rising artist . . . Stfu and go die . , , don’t shoot the messenger . . .