Archive for October, 2008

Monday, October 20, 2008

I AM Saying She’s a Gold-Digger.

queens money dress 177x300 I AM Saying Shes a Gold Digger.

I know I havent posted in a while. Launching the new HGM and my disgust at the McCain campaign has taken up all of my brain space for the past month.  But I’m back and Ive got a lot on my mind, so let the shit-talkin begin.

 

I’m not sure how we have come to this point as a society but somehow we have managed to stress independence and self-reliance to women while simultaneously celebrating the art of gold-digging. 

In an age where women have more opportunities than ever, why is there such a focus on getting a man’s money?  As I (barely) sat thru an episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, I get so angry at these women proclaiming themselves so successful and fabulous when all they really have are: wealthy mates.  One woman in the midst of a divorce from a professional football player proclaimed that she was hoping for a good settlement, in the seven figure range.  She wanted her kids to continue in the lifestyle they had become accustomed to.  I wanted to say, well when YOU get a career where you make ten million dollars a year, then you can.  Im singling out this show but I hear this type of talk all the time.

Where does this sense of entitlement come from?  You came into a relationship with nothing and when you leave you’re suddenly the Queen of fucking England?  Its sickening.   Where do women get the sense that they are OWED anything?  I am a firm believer that everyone should leave a relationship with what they came in with.  Now, sure there are situations where someone puts a lucrative career on the shelf to raise kids and in that situation certainly its fair that the woman is entitled to some assistance getting back on her feet.  I’m also not talking about women who have contributed significantly to the success of her husband’s business practice.  (And by contribution, I mean something relevant to his business, not sleeping with him, washing clothes or shit you would have done with a broke man too).  But im talking about the majority of relationships where a woman happens to be involved with a man who is economically better off than she is.  Why is your role as wife and/or mother a reason for you to hit the lottery upon the dissolution of the marriage?  Every other week you read about some other woman’s over-the-top child support or alimony demands.    I think its pretty outrageous and sad.

I don’t mean to sound so angry but it really maddens me to see women who are perfectly capable human beings make it their mission in life to take what someone else has worked hard for.   If they spent as much time and energy improving themselves as they do trying to stick men for their paper, maybe they wouldn’t have to go through life petty and begging.  I hate to see anyone living life waiting for a check.

Another thing, what’s this “keeping the rings” bullshit?  I heard two stories this weekend about women refusing to return their wedding/engagement rings in favor of “cashing that bitch in.”  The rings are a symbol of a marriage,  they’re not a random gift.  The marriage is over, give that shit back and keep it moving.  Maybe its just me, but keeping rings is so ghetto.    

  And whats fascinating is that women often brag about this.  They are so proud of themselves for having gotten just as much money as they possibly could out of somebody.  They are just beaming when they speak of how much they got in that divorce settlement or how much they sold their rings for.  They don’t care what they put their kids through, they just want that cash.  Its so pathetic and small.  They don’t realize how poorly it reflects on their character.  They don’t seem to realize that it diminishes them.   There is nothing attractive about “coming up” on the back of someone else.  What are they teaching their daughters about self-reliance?

Women use the power, often given to them by the court system, to get all they can from men, but what they don’t understand is there is power in independence.  There is power in self-reliance.  Of course men should support their children, Im not talking about those situations.  I’m talking about women who view men as opportunities to “get theirs.”  A truly powerful woman walks away from a relationship waving goodbye, not holding her hand out.  A truly powerful woman thinks about what’s in the best interest of her children and makes sure they are taken care of first.  A truly powerful woman knows that the world owes her nothing for simply being born a female.  She knows that the best rewards are for things you’ve worked hard for and can call your own.  She knows to teach her children that you never have to beg for anything and that entitlement is earned.

I cant let men off the hook completely because, lets face it, you chose these heifers.  Sure, sometimes there is a bait and switch, but generally men, if you look back real close, didn’t you kinda know there was something tricky about this woman?  Didn’t you have some moments when the relationship spidey sense went off?  But she was so beautiful, or she cooked so well or you all had kids already so what the hell.   We all must take responsibility for our choices so know that when you choose your partner poorly, the consequences can be disastrous.

In this age of women making enormous strides in education and professionally, please know that you don’t need to take somebody else’s shit.  You are perfectly capable of creating it for yourself and trust me, it feels so much better that way.  A rich husband doesn’t make you successful, success does.  So even though gold-digging is glamorized in music, movies and the Housewives shows (the white ones too), please know that it will never get a high five or a “you go girl” from me.

Peace people.

jam donaldson